Antisocial Media – Gabbie Hanna

Overwhelmed, overworked, overpaid
I’m on top of the world sitting pretty on a stack
But the static still cracks in my veins
At the bottom of the universe I’m feeling all the weight

People die for this
People lie for this
People suck and fuck some guy for this
Pay the toll for this
Sell their soul for this
Play my part, but what’s my role in this?

I’m not built for this
All the guilt of this
And I don’t think I can deal with this
I’m too old for this
Gonna fold from this
People starvin’ and I get gold for this?

You all chalk me up
As some whiney fuck
Who’s stressed by success
Like my life sucks?
I get it, I know, it’s such a conundrum
I get what I want but I can’t have much fun with it
It’s not the fame or the money I’m yearning
I don’t give a fuck about what I’ve been earning
But each day I wake up more blessed and I’m learning
Of all of these people I’m least to deserve it
I don’t deserve it

I try to be perfect, I’ll never be perfect
I’m not worth it
Keep lookin’ for answers I swear I’ve been searchin’
But come up short, and I give up quick
‘Cause if I found it I think I’d be scared of it
You don’t see the scene that’s behind the screen
And I urge you all to beware of it

It’s an interesting dichotomy
Of monetized sincerity
Stir up my insecurity
With constant uncertainty
Generation of Anxiety
The “Look at me” Society
Dubiety of piety
The gods all suffer silently

I’m sorry for my obsession with attention
I have ungodly fear of rejection
My apprehension and objection is the viral infection
Of dollars and followers in place of affection

What I need is a human connection
Not blue light and a foggy reflection
Of my misconception of my own perception
A result of way too much introspection

They find my disinterest interesting
My depression, a funny thing
My decline is relatable
People love that I hate myself
People love that I hate myself
Yeah, they love that I hate myself
People love that I hate myself
People love that I hate myself

I climbed out of my head
And watched myself implode
A thought without a body
Ought to be a shot to take a load off
My brain is poisoned
And I’m searching for the antidote
But every time I find it
My defenses scream “Oh, no you don’t!”
Woah

But it’s fine
No, really I’m fine
It’s just a matter of time
You’ll cross the line
And lose your mind
From time to time

I’m not crazy
But I feel crazy all a sudden
In a city never seeing
Snow or rain or leaves in autumn
Lose yourself in seasons
Not remembering that you forgot ’em
Knocking on my door
I can’t confront ’em so I lock them
Out

But I don’t mind
No, I really don’t mind
‘Cause believe it or not
It feels good to be forgot
From time to time

So, forget me
And please, God, forgive me
If you feel a touched underwhelmed
By all my overwhelming negativity

Who am I and when?
When’s my work day end
And where does me begin?
Are these my colleagues or my friends?
On a scale of ten to one
Do you hate who I’ve become?
‘Cause I hate who I’ve become