I don’t care if you’re from Ada (that’s Oklahoma, where he’s from) It might surprise you to know I don’t care if your great-great granddaddy Was a Confederate hero And I don’t care if you lived Hollywood Aw, now you’re just as enlightened as you can be But you’re still an asshole to me
I don’t care if you quit drinking And go to meetings twice a week You say you’ve found your higher power You’re so clean now you squeak Now that you’re clear and sober It sure is sad to see You’re still an asshole to me
You can put an asshole through Harvard Sit him behind the wheel of a shiny new Corvette And send him off to charm school Let us tell you what you get You get a rich (very wealthy) Charming (smooth-talking) Educated (pretty smart) Asshole
And you say you love your mama (watch it now, watch it, Buddy) Well that’s good, good for you Wouldn’t surprise me to learn She thinks you’re a dickhead too I don’t care if you’re a judge On some snooty singing show on NBC You’re still an asshole You’re still an asshole Like me (like me)