Crying During Sex – Ethel Cain

I sing the lord’s euthanasia blues
When I take you and your brother in the back pew
Drive into the median, keep myself from eating and wonder why I feel so sick
Tradition’s ligature marks always yellow through

I lied when I said I didn’t want you
In no time, you’ll forget the way we were supposed to be
Asking what I’m on this time, holding on to you like I do
Like we’re the only people in the world god left to mind to

Two drowning coals won’t ever light
But if I ask you to, you’ll warm the night

If I want you like I said I’d never do
I would hold my breath and sit down next to you
Terrified you’ll bite the hand that needs you
And right now I need you
I don’t know what happened
I don’t know what happened
I was young and sweet
And then something happened
Something overwhelming
Something everlasting

Time drags on
I hate him for the time he’s gone
I’ve been here for weeks, I’ve been here for years
I’ve been here too long
I forgot what stop means
Either I drink it or the boat sinks
It’s easy for him to get out of me
What I’ve been praying will get out of me

Will I always be crying during sex with you
All my dreams take place in heaven where it’s quiet, lying next to you
Heavy breathing and sighs, bruises between my thighs, look me deep in my eyes like I’m a river worth wading
And if I’m crying, it’s because I’m in love

And I could love you if I tried
And I’m trying
I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying