Dance Contest – Frank Zappa

[FZ:] “One of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this
particular place, because it has-it has a stage that is conducive to, how
you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there’s one thing
that I really like, it’s, uh, audience participation. Now listen… I gotta
figure out something that I can, uh-do you think we should have another
dance contest tonight? Oh, bey-the injured person dance contest. Well,
let’s see… Awright, I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. Here’s a, here’s
a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty,
hey. Okay.. “
[BUTCH:] “You are great, man-you are great. You are the best, baby.
Do ‘Dinah-Moe Humm’
[FZ:] “All right, now wait a minute-what’s your name? Hey, hey-what’s
your name?”
[BUTCH:] “Butch.”
[FZ:] “Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here’s a girl who wants to dance with
Butch. What’s your name?”
[LENA:] “Lena.”
[FZ:] “What?”
[LENA:] “Lena.”
[FZ:] “Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Hell,
heh. Okay, let’s see-that guy there, with his… that-that one there with the
teeshirt on-no, no, the other one-this one-no, no-no no no, wait a minute,
wait… well, you’re-actually, you’re very nice, though. Would you like to
come up here?… Okay, but d’you think you can behave yourself?… Okay,
what’s your name?”
[GUY:] “Tom, man.[mumble, mumble] you, baby, I [mumble, mumble] (gurgle)
you [mumble, mmf, etc.]“
[GUY:] “Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, [etc.]“
[FZ:] “Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait…”
[GUY:] “[mumble, mmf.] Ugliness! Ugliness!”
[OTHER GUY:] “Frank, you’re my buddy! Amh. mmf’.’
[FZ:] “Awright, now wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message
to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you’re out there and you’re
not cute, maybe you’re beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin’-there’s more
of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now…”
[GUY: (BUTCH?):] “Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?”
[FZ:] “Sure. All right, now you-he wants to get his girlfriend-go get your girlfriend.”
[GIRL:] “Hey Zap!”
[FZ:] “Good to see you again.”
[GIRL:] “Squeak!”
[FZ:] “I know.”
[GUY:] “I ain’t no fucking queer.”
[FZ:] “All right, now look, here’s what we’re going to do. Awright. Now. This-it’ll
be mashed, I’ll save them, I’ll save them for later.”
[GUY:] “I’m not a fucking queer.”
[FZ:] “This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he is not a queer.
He’s not queer, he’s not queer. Awright, and now… You are going to dance, like
you’ve never danced before…”