Decorated Lawns – Julien Baker

Went back home in the winter
Moved into my parents’ house
And walked the hallways like a stranger
Still haven’t figured anything out

‘Cause I still don’t know what to do
Last year, I swore I’d make a noose in the lights
Hang out in the gutter
Decorate my neck with the colored bulbs
So that everyone would laugh at me
Laugh at me
Laugh at me
When you drive around the neighborhood in your SUV
Looking for a holiday display with your family
And there I’ll be, in the yard, dangling

Happier spending December
Fulfilling obligations
Without the red pin in my calendar
Or last call at the Greyhound station

‘Cause I can’t hurry up to you
End of every grueling day
And for the mundanity we suffer through
I won’t try to join the pile up on the freeway
Crash my car into a ditch, oh darling
I won’t even think of it… anymore

‘Cause I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
More than I hate me
I hate me
I hate me

I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
More than I hate me
I hate me
I hate me

I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
More than I hate me
I hate me
I hate me

I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
More than I hate me
I hate me
I hate me