Two weeks all she’s had for lunch Is diet pills and Captain Crunch Eyes lined like Tammy Faye Bakker Cut her hair off with a razor
She’s wearing her wedding dress And God only knows what comes next
Call the sheriff, call a shrink She’s on quicksand, ’bout to sink You got around and it got around Now your woman’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Yards of rope up in the attic Grandpa’s loaded automatic Liquid Drano, Clorox bleach And Ginsu knives all within reach
She swears she won’t hurt herself But she met her somebody else
Call the sheriff, call a shrink She’s on quicksand, ’bout to sink You got around and it got around Now your woman’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Did your laundry, cooked your dinner Never saw the crazy in her
But we’re all one heartbreak away From temporarily insane
Call the sheriff, call a shrink She’s on quicksand, ’bout to sink You got around and it got around The crazy train is coming to town You better have her high ground Your woman’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown