When did I realise I was absolved of All the tensions between my eyes At last my gaze cleared and I Knew how right I was in fading you from my life Obligated, habituated, how I hated To be cooped up in my room, sleeping day to day with You investing your time invading all my spaces Telling me how my friends where lying, scheming nasty fakes
You know I turned to you Over a decade how I turned to you Your eyes saw clearly mine were murky Blue and green and brown Your lack of boundaries meant My days of peace and love were few You were raised surrounded by antagonists I know I would have been the same if I lived the life you lived But you just have to understand that I am not like him Or not like her I am my own, I’m not a god damn kid
But some days a slight breeze or change of weather Takes me back to the way things were How I had suffered through a hot summer 40 degrees and I’m sweating Lying down head spinning
Am I living? Am I alive? Am I breathing? Can I survive? It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire
Am I dreaming? Am I awake? Am I sleeping? Oh I’m so tired It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire
You don’t handle things with grace You throw your hands up to the sky and Claim that life has failed you And the reasoning behind your terrible disdain I understand but does that ease my pain No I don’t think so You’ve been selfish and a narcissist Put on my favourite dress You’ll make me take it off again I can’t pretend Like I’m living in joy and bliss And if I’m honest I can’t go on like this
You know I turned to you Over a decade I still turned to you Your head was centred Mine was split in two I was renowned for making sound, being too loud Well now I know it was not me but you
Am I living? Am I alive? Am I breathing? Can I survive? It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire
Am I dreaming? Am I awake? Am I sleeping? Oh I’m so tired It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire
Am I living? Am I alive? Am I breathing? Can I survive? It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire
Am I dreaming? Am I awake? Am I sleeping? Oh I’m so tired It’s a trial by fire It’s a trial by fire